BOUNDARY BACKPACK

What are Boundaries?

In Galatians 6:2 it says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.” This however, does not mean that you must control and take ownership of everyone’s burdens, but merely help carry their load.

Imagine a backpack filled with “garbage”, i.e. other people's belongings, representing the unnecessary responsibilities of others we tend to take on as individuals, with a few items of our own. Now, unpack the backpack and give back the unwanted items we carry and take responsibility for only our own life. So many times we carry heavy loads, take on more than we need to because of unhealthy boundaries.

We experience this very often, don’t we? In fact, we weigh ourselves down on a daily basis with the extra loads we are trying to carry. We sometimes take on more than just our own feelings, emotions, attitudes, behaviors and responsibilities.

When I first heard the word “Boundary”, it only represented the word “NO” to me. It was not something I was familiar with, or understood the impact it had on my life, or rather the lack of it had on my life.

Another foreign word to me was responsibility. Why should I take responsibility if my parents always done everything for me? They paid, they worried, they plan, use their energy. They made sure I never have to deal with any problems, because my parents have taken it from me. Their boundaries made me irresponsible and happy, whilst they were overly responsible and miserable. Helping me, enabling me to get my way the whole time, never accepting NO for an answer. How did that help me in the long run?

We are only and should only be responsible for our own souls. Proverbs 14:10 says, “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no one shares its joy. We have to deal with what is in our soul. The bible tells us clearly what our parameters are and how to protect them. Unfortunately, our family and past relationships confuse us about our parameters.

So, it was always easier for me to take responsibility for everyone around me, as I did not know how to take responsibility for my own life. We all conditioned ourselves to nurture our insides and keep out what will hurt us outside. That are the boundaries we set to protect ourselves. But remember, boundaries are not walling, so do not rob yourself of good things waiting for you on the outside by building such high walls that the good can’t penetrate our life’s. And sometimes we have pain or sin within ourselves which we need to let go of in order for us to heal and make space for the blessings waiting to fill us.

But because of the boundaries we set for ourselves and others to keep ourselves safe from hurt, we sometimes miss out. Sometimes when we have not been given the right guidance, our boundary lines get blurred, so we keep the bad in and the good out.

I will use myself as an example; When I grew up, being fearful of my father made me closing myself off, no one ever knew just how scared I was on the inside, on the outside I looked fine, but on the inside, I was falling apart. So, my hurt got trapped in my soul, festering for years, and in fact just growing like an enormous growth. I was also taught that never allow anyone to get you down, so pride became a boundary I set for myself, but with pride came not asking for help, not admitting that I am not coping, in fact I would become the rubbish dump for friends and family to off-load their heartache and worries onto me. At the end when I tried to be assertive and set boundaries, people would question me as to “What is wrong with me!” I was either too soft or too bossy. My boundaries were both unhealthy for myself and for others. They / others eventually did not know what to make of me.

Tell me about your idea of a boundary? Your struggle, your lesson learned?